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Who, me? [userpic]

That's not a Valkyrie

April 11th, 2010 (08:04 pm)

In the DVD shelves at Best Buy today, I happened to spot an anime DVD with a pair of very large breasts on the front. There was a person attached to them, but the breasts seemed to be the point of the picture. What I noticed second was the nipples poking out, and what I noticed third was the word "Valkyrie" in the title. (UFO Ultramaiden Valkryie. Yes, really.)

There's something wrong with this picture. Valkyries wear armor. It's a job requirement; any unarmored maiden going down among the battle to choose the slain is going to join the slain very quickly. (Remember, the Æsir are not immortal.) If your chest is covered by something thin enough for nipples to poke through, it does not qualify as armor.


Posted by: lauradi7 (lauradi7)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 03:14 am (UTC)

Apparently the Beowulf movie with Angelina Jolie featured a bare-chested B fighting with Grendel's mom. In the text description of the event, his chain mail shirt is mentioned four or five times. A similar discrepancy.

Posted by: PolyDad (polydad)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 05:43 am (UTC)

I've seen some fantastic nipples sculpted into 12-ga. stainless steel SCA armor. The lady wearing it promptly whomped me upside the head while I was being distracted, which I think was a secondary purpose of that form of armor.

Posted by: metahacker (metahacker)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 12:03 pm (UTC)

I recall looking at the cover to this book* with a similar amount of disgust. A woman finally wearing decent chain mail, hurrah--with a big diamond-shaped bare spot right over her vitals.

But the authors must have gotten a hold of the cover before the manuscript was complete. There was a scene in it where some enterprising monster decides to take advantage of the lacuna, and is in for a surprise when his sword clanks off armor there too. Apparently the mail shirt is magic and provides complete chain mailley protection, but the illusion of bare cleavage. Best of both worlds!

(* I have no idea how I remembered the name of it...)

Posted by: Who, me? (metageek)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 01:29 pm (UTC)

Ah, it's the Dark Knight tactic. "Why do you think I wear a target on my chest? Can't armor my head."

Edited at 2010-04-12 01:34 pm (UTC)

Posted by: Alexx Kay (alexx_kay)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 03:49 pm (UTC)

I guess the magic must also account for how it appears to be tightly fitted to her breasts.

Posted by: Who, me? (metageek)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 03:52 pm (UTC)

No, breasts are magnetic. That's why guys can't take their eyes off them.

Posted by: C. Virtue (cvirtue)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 04:04 pm (UTC)

Ever slid down a steel slide on a hot, sunny day?

Now put that around delicate body parts. We can only hope they have a leather lining or something.

Posted by: Who, me? (metageek)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)

Given the cup size in these pictures, there has to be something bra-like involved; given the fantasy tech level, leather is a plausible option.

And we can certainly assume there's a gambeson, at least.

Edited at 2010-04-12 04:34 pm (UTC)

Posted by: C. Virtue (cvirtue)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 04:44 pm (UTC)

Steel is definitely able support large breasts by itself; no bra needed in terms of physics.

Posted by: Who, me? (metageek)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 05:41 pm (UTC)

But can chainmail do so? It hangs like a heavy fabric, doesn't it?

Posted by: C. Virtue (cvirtue)
Posted at: April 12th, 2010 05:51 pm (UTC)

Oh, we were on maille? Sorry.

No, maille won't do that.... unless it's been arc-welded in a particular shape.

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